The F.A.M.I.L.Y. Model of Parental Supervision Helps Parents Take Control

White Plains, NY August 22, 2004 -- Frustrated by a system which is inherently reactive in nature and targets youth who have had contact with the police and/or legal system, Carl A. Bartol, MPA, JD, a juvenile prosecutor and private investigator from Westchester County, NY, began to explore ways to prevent delinquency rather than respond to it. This led him to develop the F.A.M.I.L.Y. Model of Parental Supervision, the teaching of which ultimately ripened into the Prevent Delinquency Project.

"Few sights are as disturbing as that of a young child being brought into court in handcuffs," Mr. Bartol advises. "It is a tragic event that most judges, lawyers and court personnel would agree, is not something one becomes accustomed to. This image is perhaps only equaled by the look of horror and disbelief on the face of a parent who witnesses this happen to their own child. Once the confusion, fear and denial wears off, they inevitably turn to those around them and ask, 'How could this happen? Why didn't I know?'

"Children today are facing worse dangers than they ever have in the past. Gangs, drugs, reckless sexual practices and violence have taken footholds in our communities. It is no longer enough to provide children with love, food, clothing, shelter and a good education. Ensuring their safety and success requires a proactive approach to parenting. Parents must be willing to educate themselves about the threats against their children, and learn to supervise and guide them. To that end, I hope parents find my model helpful."

The basic principles of the F.A.M.I.L.Y. Model of Parental Supervision are as follows:

• Familiarize yourself with the threats against your children.
Know your enemy. Make no mistake, this is a war against the forces that seek to harm our families and hurt our children. Do you know what it means if your teenager sucks on baby pacifiers or lollipops, what drug is commonly transported in a water bottle or which sportswear and designer clothing are used by gangs to identify their members? If not, start learning.

• Accept that all children need supervision and guidance.
Children lack the knowledge, maturity of judgment and experience of adults. Just because a child maintains a high grade-point average in school does not mean he/she is capable of making major life decisions, or resisting the negative influence of peers. Don't mistakenly confuse physical with emotional development either. Your 12-year-old son or daughter may look 18, but that doesn't mean they aren't still a child inside.

• Monitor the activities of your children.
Parents have a responsibility to know where their children are at all times, who they are with and what activities they are participating in. This means setting guidelines, limits on their behavior and expectations. Know all of your child's friends and work together with their parents. Verify what your children are up to.

• Investigate anything suspicious.
Don't accuse your children of wrongdoing or mistrust everything they tell you. The level of your intervention should correlate with the severity of the situation. Adopt a balanced approach. Some matters require only a basic inquiry, like calling the parent of your child's friend to substantiate their reason for being late. Other issues, such as suspected gang membership, substance abuse, or unprotected sex represent such an imminent threat to your child's health and well-being that you may have to engage in more invasive measures. However, don't let children know you are investigating what they are up to or you risk destroying the emotional bond between you. Resist the temptation to confront them with what you find and instead approach them with love and support.

• Look, listen and learn from your children.
You know your children better than anyone else. You should be able to recognize what makes them happy or sad, when things are going well, or when something is wrong. Listen, understand, and support them. Above all, treat your children with respect. Always be available for them. They will come to you with their problems.

• Yearn to help your children when problems arise.
Don't be selfish. This isn't about you, it's about helping them. Disregard what your friends, colleagues or neighbors might think. Feelings of embarrassment or humiliation waste precious time which you could be using to seeking out appropriate treatment and services for your children. Ignoring the problem will only place your children at greater risk.

For those interested in learning more, or to join the Prevent Delinquency Project, please visit http://www.preventdelinquency.org





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